‘I May Destroy You’ – a commentary on sexual assault, gay hook-ups and the technical side of the TV Drama
TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault
Emmy award winner Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You is a raw and heart-breaking watch. At the forefront of the drama is Coel as Arabella Essiedu, a free-spirited and Twitter famous writer who is trying to piece together what happened on the night she was drugged and sexually assaulted. What many people may not be aware of is that Coel was the sole writer of the show, curating around 191 drafts with no prior planning or guide. This drama is almost biographical as Coel touches on her own sexual assault to inform Arabella’s thought process.
Paapa Essiedu plays Kwame in the 12-part drama series, he’s an openly gay Black man and best friend to Arabella, the show’s protagonist. He’s self-assured and supportive, but struggles to reach out in times of distress, no matter how supported he’s made to feel by his close friends. Episode 4 of the series shows a scene featuring Kwame scrolling through Grindr whilst in a supermarket, he’s seen slipping away to a restroom where he gives a stranger a blowjob (/oral sex). The act is over quicker than it began and the two return back to what they were respectively doing, but not before Kwame washes his hands and rinses his mouth. This highlights not only the characters sexually adventurous quirks but those of the users of apps such as Grindr and Scruff. In our increasingly technological society, apps like these make anonymous sex so easy and poses the question - who wouldn’t want to be satisfied whenever and wherever? Maybe not so much in a supermarket restroom.
Gay representation is limited in many mainstream shows yet Coel includes the exploration so seamlessly into the show’s narrative. This inclusion of sexual habits explored by gay men is modern and doesn’t in any way seem shameful as it highlights the dangers regarding anonymous sexual encounters. Later in the episode, Kwame goes to visit, ‘HornyMan808’, the pseudonym Malik uses, and the pair quickly brush over introductions. Shortly afterwards, Kwame’s needs have been satisfied and he’s preparing to leave, but Malik urges him to stay, turning from sweet and playful to very assertive and aggressive. In a quick turn of events, Kwame is pinned down onto the bed, desperately trying to get out from under Malik, but is then sexually assaulted. Kwame’s seen laying on the bed, very still and non-responsive. Malik, once finished, removes himself, and tauntingly says, ‘What can I say? I’m a bad boy’. What’s highlighted in this scene, and towards the latter of the series is how these situations can so quickly turn sour. Members of the queer community who use these apps might not fully consider the risky situations they could put themselves in when meeting strangers in their homes.
I May Destroy You powerfully illustrates what pressure looks like for regular people and how difficult it is to come to terms with personal trauma. We see Kwame struggle to open up to his friends about his sexual assault, exploring an ideology of ‘Can men be sexually assaulted?’. At first Kwame doesn’t label what happened to him sexual assault as three months later, after watching Arabella report her assault, Kwame decides to report his. However, the contrast of how the two cases are dealt with illustrates why people don’t speak up about what has happened to them. We sadly see the negligence of the police and how the officer assigned to Kwame’s case is visibly uncomfortable when listening to a gay man explain his assault and struggles to understand the encounter in its entirety, Kwame isn’t at all taken seriously and unsurprisingly gives up.
What makes this show all the more enticing is that Coel had carte blanche over the production. She first pitched I May Destroy You in the spring of 2017 and was offered $1 million upfront by Netflix. But, this was at the expense of her creative rights, she also wouldn’t retain any of the copyright. When she learnt this, Coel declined the offer and fired CAA, her agency in the United States, as they tried to push her to accept the deal as they’d get a huge pay-out. The show was then pitched to television executive, Piers Wenger at BBC who was more than happy to give Coel everything she wanted, including full creative control and the rights to the work. This experience illustrates how important it is to have transparency between collaborators and to above all know your worth, and be relentless. Attributes Coel has which are so prevalent in her character, Arabella.
Written by Selorm Torkornoo
‘I May Destroy You’ is still available to watch on BBC iPlayer. Click here for access
Support for sexual abuse survivors
Support for men
020 3322 1860 (SMS)
074 9181 6064 (WhatsApp)
Support for women
0808 802 9999
Support for women and men
The Survivors Trust