Making Self Love a Modern Romance
As human beings we crave to be accepted but we also want to stand out. This sometimes means filtering out our flaws and making ourselves fit what we think of as beautiful. Giving ourselves smoother skin, bigger eyes, a smaller nose, and a multitude of other things that we can change. We see what we could be, rather than what we actually are. But we often don’t see the potential in ourselves, to be our beautiful best, without having different types of enhancement.
I’ve been on apps such as Instagram and sometimes changed the filter of the photo to be brighter, lighter, make my lowlights stand out more, show the caramel and brown hues of my eyes more. These may seem like small things, and personally I guess I don’t see them as a big deal. But lately I’ve been posting unfiltered videos and photos, I guess I'm trying to accept myself in all lights and what is naturally me.
Sometimes I have to fight myself - the inner critic that tells me I’m not enough. It’s not just to do with beauty but other things I decide to put out on social media. I still choose to post though, even when I'm feeling negative or sad. I've felt comfortable enough to post photos with no make-up or filter. I do this because of the mainly nice interactions I’ve had with people. These responses sometimes feel like validation. Feeling appreciated and for some admired is a real rush of pleasure, that little red notification popping up on the screen.
I've been thinking about how strange it is to put our lives, what we do and what we look like in a public arena for strangers to see. The thing is not only do they see, they can actively comment on posts. This can certainly be a positive, confidence boosting exercise and that is a huge part of the appeal. But sometimes what we use to empower us can do the opposite. When we reveal such personal things, we leave ourselves vulnerable to negative attention and sometimes bullying behaviour.
Although there are people who use the term ‘body neutral’ as they feel that it better describes the diversity and variety of people, ‘body confident’ is still the most common way of referring to the encouragement and celebration of different features, body types, skin colour and hair textures.
There are many advocates and activists campaigning for acceptance and equal consideration of diverse bodies and exteriors. One person who is prevalent in promoting self-esteem is Jameela Jamil. She has an online platform called ‘I Weigh’ where she promotes “radical inclusivity”. On there you can find activists for all different causes. One of them is Emma Gannon, a podcaster, novelist, blogger, speaker, and publisher. In her podcasts she looks at people whose interests shaped their careers, she gives voices to those who are more marginalised and she wrote an essay called Sabotage: ‘How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Get Out of Your Own Way’.
I want to also mention that your self-esteem can come from different sources. From taking pleasure in doing kind things for others, mastering a new skill or being an active part of your community. In turn these non-physical things can have a hugely rewarding effect on how you see yourself - from the inside out.
Article by Andrea Lewis
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