A Friend Is All You Need
Having friends in life is essential: they’re there to pick you up, listen, talk to, make you laugh and help you through life’s ups and downs.
Imagine experiencing gender-based violence or struggling with mental health issues without someone to talk to or spend time with. Isolation, loneliness and anxiety could manifest themselves very quickly.
Avisha Patel felt this scenario needed changing and set up a charity, Friendsline.org that looks to improve women’s mental well-being for those who’ve suffered from gender-based violence and create long-lasting support networks within communities.
When I interviewed Avisha, sadly not face to face due to lockdown 3.0, I found myself talking to a softly spoken, thoughtful young woman with strong values and beliefs. I asked Avisha what drove her to set up Friendsline and how the offering has changed over the years.
“So many women I’ve met throughout my travels to places like Colombia, Nepal and India have inspired me. They exude such a lovely warmth and whatever their background or life experience they always have so much to give.
"I’d always felt an immense discomfort with the inequalities women face, particularly in the places I’d visited, but whenever I came back from trips away, the daily grind and life on the corporate hamster wheel always took my mind off what I’d seen and heard. As time went on, I wanted to find a way to create something sustainable that connected women from the UK with women abroad.
And Friendsline was born. In 2014, working with other local charities and coordinators on the ground in India, Avisha spread information about what Friendsline offered. She used local charities’ venues and encouraged women to join one to one Skype sessions with women in the UK. The charities that Avisha partnered with ran their own programmes and benefitted from the Friendsline.org women’s health seminars too, a true partnership.
Avisha (right)
For three years, Friendsline continued to offer sessions to local women until it got to the point where Avisha and her trustees asked themselves how they could make more of an impact and scale. “We’d covered topics such as menstrual hygiene and breast cancer awareness in seminars, but we needed to narrow down our focus to assess what was working and what wasn’t.”
“We started to identify mental health as a huge gap – there was no support or education on mental health in the rural areas we were working. There’s ample evidence and research to show that women who’ve been subject to gender violence are much more likely to suffer from mental health issues which are amplified alongside the stigmas they face in society. However, we were facing challenges; due to coordination issues and lack of professional expertise, we couldn’t offer one-on-one sessions any longer.
“So, we decided to focus our work on this global issue. We offered pre-recorded yoga and mindfulness seminars in the local language as part of a mental health programme, along with a well-recognised measurement tool to ensure we were making a positive impact.”
Whilst studying in the US, Avisha met a woman who specialised in global health, having worked for the World Health Organisation (WHO) and the Ministry of Health in India. She joined Friendsline as their impact lead and developed an evaluation impact assessment based on the WHO quality of life indicator. It allowed the charity to measure the impact of their work, and although it’s not easy to measure mental health, Friendsline uses its tools to see real benefits.
Avisha admits she’s probably biased, but the feedback they see is incredibly positive. “Women love to come to the seminars; they create their own safety nets with other women with similar experiences, and for many, it’s the only opportunity for some ‘me-time’.”
“Me-time is not a well-known concept in developing countries. Women and girls don’t appreciate being entitled to me-time to do whatever they want, such as meditating, calming the mind, or simply getting away from wifely or domestic duties.
“We know they feel lighter after the seminars: they feel less anxiety, able to deal with exam pressures or juggle parents and school.”
I could tell Avisha was passionate about providing women with the chance to have me-time, so I was interested to understand how Avisha switches off, especially as she manages the charity alongside a full-time job.
“It’s not easy, and many days I struggle! I do yoga and mindfulness every day, which grounds my thoughts in the mornings. I love reading books on personal development, psychology and philosophy – which continue to challenge my perceptions and thoughts of the world around me. Sometimes there are very overwhelming days, and I, like many others, suffer from anxiety. I recently took myself off social media for two months which made a huge difference to my mental health. Conceptually we know it can be bad for us, but it truly is a highlight reel that can make anyone feel inadequate at times.”
Just as COVID has impacted us all in different ways, it’s also impacted Friendsline. I asked Avisha to share the challenges she’s faced and what she’s done to overcome them.
“Operationally, it’s had a huge impact. Women couldn’t meet as it wasn’t safe, but in one of our locations, they’ve managed to come together for the last three months in small groups, while taking precautions, for example wearing facemasks. We’ve distributed a mental health booklet and information for breathing exercises to deal with the uncertainty and overwhelming thoughts, which we’ve translated into the local language. We continue to assess the situation, but it’s not been easy.”
While Avisha manages COVID’s impact, she and her trustees also have their eyes on the future. They’re expanding their mental health programme to launch a 12-week one to one virtual counselling programme.
“Virtual sessions run by a counsellor are for those very much impacted by gender violence. We’re busy advertising for counsellor posts, and as technology has advanced so much since we started, we’re hoping to create forums where our partnerships on the ground can book them online.”
I can tell Avisha is excited about her plans to grow the charity further. She invests a lot of her time in it, and I wanted to know what she gets out of it and how’s it changed her.
“It’s been life-changing really. Friendsline will now always be a part of me and has changed how I see society and the world around us. I’m lucky to have found like-minded trustees who have continued to believe in our mission. I genuinely hope everyone can find something that gives them purpose, whether that be a passion or a social cause.”
And for anyone thinking of setting up a charity, Avisha has this advice; “Just get out there and start doing it! You can plan too far, and we still over plan or strategize. There's no better way of learning when it comes to finding solutions to any social, economic, or environmental problems than by starting. No time or conditions are perfect, ever!”
Friendsline on Instagram @_friendsline
Find out more about the charity here.
Article by Claire Stafford